The Merry Peri

Things to do during the writers' strike

2007-12-12T17:26:00.000-08:00

Well, the Writers Guild of America strike has finally started to take its toll on TV-philes. Favorite shows are segueing into reruns and promised programming will be delayed. What's a body to do? Surprisingly, a lot.

Here's my list of 13 things to do during this unrequested, but ultimately highly beneficial, TV hiatus:

1) Read a book.
2) Have a conversation with someone about something other than what happened last night on TV.
3) Get on the web and research the presidential candidates. Decide for yourself who to vote for.
4) Use an hour of your daily TV time to cook good, healthful meals.
5) Go outdoors.
6) Exercise.
7) Talk with your children, your parents, your siblings, your neighbors -- anyone you like. After all, you now have the time!
8) Teach your old dog a new trick. If you have a cat, try to teach it a trick... then experience American hospitals' ER system firsthand.
9) Spend a half hour of your daily TV time listening to a foreign language lesson. (There are oodles on iTunes, including several free language lesson podcasts.)
10) Start a hobby. (Want to learn to play a musical instrument? Guess what? There are dozens of free lessons on YouTube.)
11) Volunteer. (Yes, having no TV is a bummer. Guess what? It could be a lot worse. Don't believe me? Visit a cancer ward or volunteer with hospice. That's an eye-opener.)
12) Pick one of the things on your Gee, I wish I'd done that list -- and do it!
13) Most importantly, don't automatically make room for TV when new programs start to appear. If TV fits in with your new schedule, great. If not, it's probably not a huge loss.

That's my list. Any ideas from anyone else?

A new perspective...

2007-12-11T16:45:00.000-08:00

First of all, note to self: Either memorize The Merry Peri password or come up with something easier. Something like, oh I don't know, Why do I keep losing the slip of paper with my password written on it???

Okay, moving on...

Years ago, baseball hero Yogi Berra was quoted as saying, "It's deja vu all over again." Do you remember that? (To be honest, I never actually heard him say that, but I read it once. Somewhere.) Anyway, I always found that comment to be funny. Until recently, though, I had no idea what it meant and no sense of how profound it really was. Then, one day in October, in a fit of organizational zeal, I started cleaning the dumping ground known as our library and found a list of annual goals I'd created in 1993.

Guess what? It was exactly the same as my List of Things To Do Before I'm 50. Sure, I'd accomplished a lot in 14 years, but the big things -- the things I wouldn't want to die without doing -- were still undone.

That was scary.

So, in late October, I made a decision to tackle the biggest To Do: Write a novel. I signed up for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) and committed to writing a minimum of 50,000 words in November.

I figured this was a good idea because, during the summer, I'd finally accepted that, while I really, really wanted to write a novel, I didn't have a clue of how it was done. My work in progress had a nice first chapter but the rest was a thinly disguised therapy session in which all of the "good" characters were a lot like me and all of the "bad" characters were a lot like, well, everybody else. It had been hard, but I'd dumped the story and read everything about story and structure that I could find. Then I'd written character profiles and done some hard research.

With all that under my belt, I decided to complete a real first draft -- of the whole book -- in November.

But something happened. After 14 years of putting this same desire into the world, the universe wasn't so willing to make things easy. I'll be honest. When I set the goal of completing the first draft in November, I truly felt as though a voice replied, "Yeah, well. Heard that before. If you want it this time, prove it."

I assumed I might have a little writer's block or a few other delays. I had absolutely no idea what was in store.

First, after several years of procrastinating, I got a mammogram on Oct. 29. On Oct. 30, a rather breathless receptionist called and said, "There are some, um, abnormalities. We'd like you to come back. Soon."

The earliest they could see me was Nov. 6. As you can imagine, I didn't get a lot of writing done in the interim. What I did do was agonize about all of the things I wanted to do and all of the chances I'd squandered. I did a lot of bargaining and I made a lot of promises ~~ and I swear, I continued to hear a voice in my head saying, "Prove it. Prove it."

The good news is that on Nov. 6, after another mammogram and two ultrasounds, I was told that I was fine! Yea!!! I figured I'd go home and write. Right?

Well, no.

Here's a brief list of some of the other things that happened in November:

* Someone broke into my car and stole my radio. (Good news: I only paid $69 for it at Car Toys!)
* My dad had a health crisis during cataract surgery.
* My mother, for reasons known only to her, began to dabble in selective anorexia.
* My computer hard drive had a stroke.
* An organization I'd offered to do some volunteer writing for in June decided they needed my help...in November.

There were other things too. I'd guess an average of one calamity every other day.

Prove it. Prove it.

Yeah, right.

Actually, Yeah! Right!

Here's what I learned last month:

1) It is deja vu all over again...until one day it's not.
2) Life is either going to be full of I Wish I Hads or I'm Glad I Dids.
3) A really bad first draft can be edited into a fantastic book. An excellent first chapter means nothing if that's all there is.

This is turning into a very long post, so here's the short story: That first draft? Done! I mean, totally, completely, thoroughly DONE!!! 50,000 words? Yep...and more!

Second draft? Underway...and set to be finished early next month.

Am I glad to have experienced all that happened in November? Uh, no. Not really.

Am I glad that, in the midst of everything, I heard the words, "Prove it! Prove it!"

For sure.

Good things are coming!

2007-10-29T12:27:00.000-07:00

"Vision reaches beyond the thing that is, into the conception of what can be."
-- Robert Collier

The Merry Peri is going on hiatus until December 3. There will be exciting news to share when I come back.

See you then!

Last week's Quote of the Week

2007-09-12T10:06:00.000-07:00

"Talent is never static; it's always growing or dying."
--Stephen King

Beginnings and endings...

2007-09-12T08:38:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe that it's been almost a month since I posted last. (Thanks very much to all those who emailed to ask what was going on.)

It's been a time of beginnings and endings.

A few weeks ago, I went to the funeral of a childhood friend. She died at 42, yet left a legacy that was staggering. Her funeral was held in small, inner city church on an unbelievably hot morning. On a good day, that church could hold, perhaps, 200 people comfortably. On this day, there were well over 300. The lower level of full; the balcony was packed.

People from all walks of life, and ranging in age from a few weeks to more than 90 years, attended. Unmarried and without children of her own, my childhood friend touched more lives than I can even imagine. She was the director of admissions for a local college and dozens of current students, aspiring students and college graduates joined family, friends and work colleagues to say to good-bye. It was an awesome testament to the value of having a purpose in life and fulfilling it.

Prior to this, I never really understood what people meant when they said a funeral could be inspiring.

Now I do.

Anyway, that was ending I mentioned earlier. Now for the beginning.

You've probably heard the term, sandwich generation. If not, it describes baby boomers who juggle both childcare and elder care. Since I don't have children, I guess I'm an open-face sandwich.

The past few weeks have seen the beginning of a lot of heavy lifting with elder care. My mother now requires a great deal of supervision. Whether this is the result of age-related cognitive problems, a small stroke or the beginning of Alzheimer's, I don't know. What I do know is that I've started the dance of monitoring a host of medications, removing the option to drive, finding small tasks to keep her occupied, and other tasks many of you have likely dealt with for a long, long time.

If you have advice or suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

Does this man EVER sleep?

2007-08-15T11:34:00.001-07:00

I asked this question of a friend of mine. Tyler Perry's latest movie is coming out in late August. Now let's see, he's written -- what? -- four movies, a dozen or so plays, a book, a sitcom pilot and several scripts for a television show...and I'm still plugging away on my first novel!

Jokes aside, Perry is a testament to what can be done when one is focused. Bravo!

Last week's Quote of the Week

2007-08-13T07:59:00.000-07:00

Two quotes this week, both by Alfre Woodard, one of my favorite actors.

On inner beauty:
"Inner beauty is not taking personally whatever you think is a disaster physically about yourself. Why would you think your thighs or your nose is the only thing nature has screwed up on?"

On spirituality in Hollywood:
"I understand where my creativity comes from. It's not from me. I'm in service to the divine spirit...like an instrument. Hopefully, an instrument for healing."

How much are you carrying?

2007-08-12T17:58:00.000-07:00

I was looking for a computer cable the other day. When I couldn't find it in the disaster that is my home office, I asked my husband, SOHM*, if he knew where it might be.

He suggested I look in the storage rooms in our basement. There I found bags (and I do mean lawn-size Hefty bags) full of cables: Computer cables. Camera cables. Scanner cables. Printer cables. Cables to equipment we don't have anymore. Cables to equipment that doesn't work. Cables to equipment made by companies that no longer exist. (Does anyone out there remember the Commodore 64 computer, circa 1980? If you happen to own one, let me know. I've got a cable.)

"Why," I asked SOHM, "do we have all this stuff?"

"Because," he said, never turning from the TV, "you never throw anything away."

Oh. Once I realized it was all my fault I scampered off, grabbed a cookie, retreated to the sanctuary of my all-in-one home office/home spa/dressing room/media room/girlie library/dog zone and turned on my newly cabled PC.

As fate would have it, I found a link to 1000 Days Non-Stop at Sea. For reasons I honestly can't wrap my brain around, Reid Stowe and Soanya Ahmad are trying to set a new sailing record for consecutive days at sea without stopping or resupply.

One thousand days on a little boat with the same person and no diversionary shopping excursions or mind-stabilizing chic flicks? I truly don't get it -- but I do admire their chutzpah.

For a different perspective on lessening your load, read Soanya's August 5th entry. Can you imagine going three months without restocking your refrigerator or pantry -- and then adding only those items you'd stored in other parts of your house? (And yes, this does include toiletries.)

Can you imagine being awestruck by a new supply of dried ziti or beans?

The adventure fairy didn't visit after I read Soanya and Reid's blog, but the declutter genie did pay another call. I may never get to the point of downsizing to the point of these seafaring bloggers, but I am willing to dump more of my rarely used stuff.

Cables, anyone?

*SOHM: Significant Other Hubby Man

Guilty pleasure

2007-08-12T17:15:00.000-07:00

Design Star on HGTV is my closet addiction. Each episode of the interior design challenge reality show is like an ice cream sundae for the mind.

My favorite contestant this season is Josh "Sparkle Josh" Johnson, an extremely talented, inexhaustibly cheerful designer from Hendersonville, Tennessee.

Here are a few quips from his contestant profile:

If I weren't a designer, I'd be: A Solid Gold dancer

Something you'd never guess about me: I was once a probation officer

Childhood dream: Flying Wonder Woman's invisible jet

Usual skills: Clogging

If my life were a sitcom, it would be: Moesha

Why I should win: Because America is ready for the "Josh Johnson Experience"

Some people say they love life; others show that they do. Sparkle Josh is clearly one of the latter. No matter what my mood is initially, after an hour of watching him, I am too.

Wheeee!

2007-08-11T07:12:00.000-07:00

If you've read the past few posts, you know my life had a major hiccup recently.

During the course of two days, I had every work-related experience I've tried my whole life to avoid, and I presented publicly every emotion I've tried my whole life not to show. I got angry. I said what I felt. I was embarrassed. I cried...

And guess what? It didn't kill me.

That was the first indication that something was afoot.

The second occurred this morning. I woke up full of gratitude -- gratitude for my life, my health, my family and my friends. Gratitude for the strength to finally go after what I really want. Gratitude for having, in a world full of turmoil, a day of peace.

The last few days brought change that was unexpected, painful, frightening and disconcerting. Ultimately, though, those days were a gift. The fall was horrible, but the bounce-back? Baby, what a ride!

On iTunes right now: Nothing at all.

Last week's Quote of the Week

2007-08-10T18:52:00.000-07:00

"This is what I have learned: that everybody is talented, original and has something important to say."
-- Brenda Ueland, author of If You Want to Write

Calling Ashley Judd!

2007-08-09T18:55:00.000-07:00

If my life were a movie, I'd want to be played by Ashley Judd.

Whenever she plays a woman in distress, she has about fifteen minutes of angst then the music swells, she gets a determined look on her face and Presto! Change-o! she's miraculously reborn. She's spunky. She's focused. She's totally in control.

Now, being portrayed by Ashley Judd is a stretch for many reasons, not the least of which is that the personal orchestra-on-call specializing in my Presto! Change-o! music is apparently on strike. Or hard of hearing. Or just too darn cranky to be bothered these days.

But that's beside the point.

Movies have a way of glossing over in fifteen minutes what can take weeks, months or years to accomplish. Deciding what you want, making the hard, hard choices necessary to get it, taking risks and failing at least some of the time takes time.

One of the little nuggets of animal kingdom trivia stuck in my brain is a fact about birds. Watching them struggle to free themselves from their eggs can be heartbreaking. Some survive. Some don't. Those who do emerge wet, disheveled, bruised and exhausted...but it's that struggle that gives them the strength to live, to grow and to fly.

For everyone out there going through the struggle, I'm pulling for you.

Pull for me.

One day, maybe we'll all be played by Ashley Judd!

Well, now...

2007-08-08T14:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes Ms. Peri is a lot better at offering advice than she is at taking it. And sometimes the universe gives Ms. Peri a huge smackdown, just to get her attention.

A few weeks ago, I realized that I was drifting. I had several writing projects under way, and I was splintered in a dozen different directions. I wasn't focusing on the goals I'd set and more than a few friends advised me to slow down, take a deep breath and force myself to answer the question, "What do you want?"

But I didn't.

Why? Well, because I'm Ms. Peri, and I can do it all. And because if I don't commit, I'll never fail...and Ms. Peri does not like to fail.

Smart move, right?

Apparently the universal powers that be (UPTB) did not agree.

First, they tried a friendly nudge. A local professional organization nominated me for PR person of the year. It was a huge honor but throughout the process I kept hearing a little voice asking, "Is this what you want? Is this it?"

Dealing with those issues was inconvenient and the little voice was a nag, so I blew it off...even though I knew that PR, at least this year, is my bread-and-butter, not my heart and soul.

I didn't decline the nomination, but I didn't fully engage in the process either. I just went with the flow. I didn't commit.

Clearly dissatisfied with that approach, the UPTB opted for a shove.

Today, my job-share arrangement at a local magazine ended without warning. Whoosh! One more item off my plate.

While I was listening to my boss tell my work share partner and me that we were fired, that darn little voice came back and asked, "What do you want? What do you really want?"

Apparently, I am destined to answer this question one way or the other. I'll either suck it up and commit to something or, one by one, my diversions will be waved in my face or be taken away.

Not to bring age into the equation, but I think the UPTB are trying to tell me that I'm too old to be so ambivalent.

Life is interesting, isn't it?

Playing on iTunes right now: Everything by Michael Buble. I LOVE this song!

Last week's Quote of the Week

2007-08-06T18:52:00.000-07:00

"Begin anew by throwing away old things. Old shoes, old maps, old cookbooks. Outgrowing is part of growing up....For every object we cast away, for every friend we lose sight of, for every moment in time we can't recoup, and for every place that's no longer what it used to be, we receive in exchange a wealth of keepsake impressions. How strange -- no one can ever take away what is no longer ours."
-- Veronique Vienne from The Art of Growing Up, Simple Ways to Be Yourself At Last

What's your theme song?

2007-08-06T18:33:00.001-07:00

Carleen Brice asked this recently on her blog. What a terrific question. If music stirs the spirit and lyrics arouse the mind, we should all have our own theme song, shouldn't we?

Here's mine. It's Proud by Heather Small. It's the theme song for me, for my novel -- and (here's positive visualization talking) for the movie I see being made from my book!

Wonderful lyrics, yes?

I'm not a math-phile, but...

2007-07-29T21:20:00.000-07:00

I struggled through a few calculations to better understand just what was involved with the percent of body fat issue mentioned in the previous post. Here's what I discovered:

1) 37 percent of my current weight is 59.57 pounds. (Imagine carrying 12 5-pound bags of sugar -- or an average-sized nine-year-old -- on your back every day. That's comparable.)

2) 23 percent of my ideal weight is 32.20 pounds. That means I should lose 27.37 pounds of fat and gain 6.37 pounds of muscle to be reasonably fit.

Okay...27.37 pounds of fat! I'm having a total Bridget Jones moment here. How does one even wrap one's brain around the concept of losing 27.37 pounds of fat?

Not to be whiney, but -- Ugh! This is going to be hard.

Obesity: It's not what you think

2007-07-29T06:20:00.000-07:00

For years, the concept of losing weight and getting fit was a pleasant pastime -- lose a few pounds, get into those cute pants; firm up a bit, don't scare myself when I catch a rear-end view in a dressing room three-way mirror.

You get the picture, right?

The other day, for reasons I still haven't figured out, I dusted off my super-dooper Sharper Image scale (it measures weight and calculates percent of body fat) and hopped on. The results left me shocked -- and not in a good way.

I'm still roughly 20 pounds overweight, though you probably couldn't tell that by looking at me. I'm also, and this is the scary part, 37 percent body fat. For someone with a family history of diabetes, hypertension and heart disease, this is not welcome news.

Phillip Whitten, a writer for Swimming World Magazine, says obesity is defined as too much body fat, not necessarily too much weight. Translation: you can be thin and fat simultaneously.

According to one of his articles, men should have 15 percent body fat or less and women should have 22 percent body fat or less during their prime. There's not much wiggle room for boomers, either. Whitten says 55-year-old men who exercise regularly generally have body fat levels of 23 percent; hearty women exercisers have body fat levels of 29 percent at the same age.

Our nation of couch potatoes aren't faring well, however. Whitten writes, "According to 1994 health statistics, at age 35, the average American male carries 25 percent of his weight in fat, average female 33 percent (the numbers are probably even higher today.)"

I'll be honest. I'd hoped there'd be great dissent about how much body fat is healthy. (You've seen those weight charts. They're all over the map.) Alas, it was not to be. There is some deviation, certainly, but overall, not that much.

Why this matters:

If, like me, you have writing projects you're trying to finish or other goals you'd like to complete, and you just can't seem to make progress, if may be because your body -- and your brain -- are under stress from other sources. Becoming more fit may be just what you need to do to get going.

Intrigued? Here are a couple of sites you can visit to see where you fall on the health-o-meter:

Recommended Body Weights and Percent Body Fat Contents for Women

Sports Fitness Advisor

Playing on iTunes right now: Authors on Tour featuring Allan Folsom, author of The Machiavelli Covenant. Authors on Tour is a podcast of writers discussing and reading from their works at The Tattered Cover bookstore in Denver. Sign up on iTunes.

Last week's Quote of the Week

2007-07-23T07:29:00.000-07:00

"I haven't written a great book yet -- but I have written some really great paragraphs!"
-- Marianne Williamson
Author of nine books, four of which were #1 New York Times bestsellers, and a former guest on Oprah, Larry King Live and Good Morning America, among others.

I didn't chew.

2007-07-23T07:07:00.001-07:00

While reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, I gulped each chapter rather than reading slowly and savoring the book. I didn't pause to study the very, very fine line Ms. Rowling occasionally drew between her mythical society and current, real world affairs. I didn't linger to laugh at the sentence, near the end, that appeared to be a friendly nod to Aliens II.

At the end of my romp through the last of the Harry Potter series, I discovered something interesting, though.

The book, while exceptional, wasn't flawless. Every sentence wasn't perfect; every word wasn't gold. What they were, however, were pure J.K. Rowling. Her imagination. Her prose. Her best.

All of which reminds me that striving for perfection, holding on to your creative work until it's absolutely beyond reproach, isn't necessarily your greatest contribution to the world.

Sometimes you can change lives -- and change minds -- simply by doing your best.

When the mind wanders, it's not pretty...

2007-07-22T13:32:00.000-07:00

I could be writing. Yes indeedy, I could...and I was. Then I took little break and wandered over to Kathy Holmes site. There I found a link to Shelfari, an online networking site for readers and writers.

Of course I had to go. I explored the site for a while -- loved it! -- then I started reading some of the profiles of frequent contributors. One had a link to a website that lets you take a test to determine your chances of surviving a zombie invasion. Wow!

I had to take the test, right?

Then I had to take it again because I could not believe how badly I fared.

I did a bit better the second time, though apparently there's an unwritten rule that says you shouldn't go to Walmart when zombies prowl.

After a couple, er, a few more attempts, it eventually occurred to me that a Zombie Apocalypse Test (ZAT) is not wholly dissimilar to a Scholastic Achievement Test (SAT). You just keep taking it and taking it until you (or your parents) like your score.

My final score: 41% chance of survival.

All of which makes me think I'm probably better off writing.

Ciao!

Hi, T.J.

2007-07-18T20:50:00.001-07:00

The wind in your hair...

2007-07-18T20:22:00.000-07:00

You don't have to be outside. You don't even have to be good. But if you've ever been ice skating you know how exhilarating it is to feel the ice-cooled air on your cheeks and the wind in your hair.

(Note: the wind feels wonderful whether your body is gliding over the ice, the image of coordination and grace, or sliding across the surface chin first, arms outstretched, leaving a gaggle of bruised, stunned, knocked-on-their-rears-because-they-couldn't-get-out-of-the way-fast-enough skaters in your wake....One just looks a bit more, uh, dignified.)

If you fancy skating or dancing, take a look at Figure Skating in Singapore. There's a new video of the European Waltz that's really fun to watch.

Playing on iTunes right now: Baby, It's Cold Outside by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong. What a fabulous, old tune. Personal opinion warning (POW): A lot of today's popular singers go for volume or shock lyrics. Listen to a song performed by people who mastered phrasing and vocal control. There is no contest.

Last week's Quote of the Week

2007-07-18T16:32:00.000-07:00

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know what the answer is, but wish we didn't."
-- Erica Jong

Online tag!

2007-07-17T19:15:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged by author Tayari Jones. Here are the rules:

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged, and to read your blog.

Here are eight, no-longer-secret facts about the very merry me:

1. I have the most eclectic taste in music of anyone I know. The last seven songs on my iPod were by Leann Rimes, John Legend, Vargo, The Mamas & The Papas, Michael Buble, John Mellencamp and Donnie McClurklin.
2. As a girl I dreamed of being a singer-dancer-actress-model. Or a brain surgeon. Upon reflection, I realized success was unlikely as a) I'm a little, um, tone deaf; b) I have no natural sense of rhythm; c) I don't like being on stage; d) I like to eat; e) Medical science involves science. And math! Eww!
3. I'm horribly needle-phobic.
4. I once flew to Austin for a Bruce Springsteen concert. I loved it!
5. I'm conflict adverse and miss a lot because there are many things I don't want to see...yet I have a real fear of going blind.
6. I once ate an entire German Chocolate cake. By myself. In one sitting. That was not a good idea.
7. When I was young and impressionable someone told me that if you die without fulfilling your destiny you have to keep coming back until you get it right. I still believe that.
8. When I mangle song lyrics, I do it in a big, big way. (Yet another reason a career as a singer was not for me.) For years, I happily sang along to Stevie Wonder's hit, Blue Me On. Yea Cumin! (known to some of you as Boogie On Reggae Woman). I kept this up until someone pointed out this was not a song about food dye and recipes.

Whew! There you are.

I've tagged Kathy Holmes and Rhea, but I need a bit of time to come up with others. Tune in later for details or comment if you'd like to play.

I've been SO off the grid!

2007-07-17T18:59:00.000-07:00

My husband decided to "optimize" our Internet connection last week.

'Nuff said?

Methinks so.

Playing on iTunes right now: I Know the Truth by Sherie Rene Scott (Amneris) from the original cast recording of the Aida soundtrack.

Hello!

2007-07-02T06:56:00.000-07:00

I'm back at my desk after an unplanned mini-vacation.

Quick, surprise getaways are the best kind, aren't they? Even if you return to an overflowing in-basket, tons of email and more than a few to-dos with Urgent! stamped on them -- all of which I did -- it's wonderful to have had a few hours or a few days of calm, peaceful thoughts.

One of the things that always surprises me when I take time off is how quickly I realize how little I actually need. Oh, there are tons of things I want -- but very few I truly, desperately require.

My friend, C., is in the process of moving to Charlotte, NC from Denver. Rather than hire a fleet of moving vans to transport everything, she's selling all but the necessities and she plans to move to her new city feeling light and free.

"I don't want things to have power over me anymore," she said.

Powerful words, aren't they?

This week we'll take a closer look at how clearing out unnecessary thoughts, emotions and possessions can impact the quality of our lives. We'll also have a conversation with Gail Imel, a woman who sold much of what she owned and traveled to South America for a solo adventure that spanned several months.

In the interim, enjoy this photo of Jake demonstrating his favorite activity for the dog days of summer.

Take care!

It's all a journey.

2007-06-25T08:31:00.000-07:00

Novelist Kathy Holmes (Real Women Wear Red) has a wonderful series of posts on her blog about the process of going home. In Kathy's case, home is Oregon, the state she moved to at 16.

With the exception of a few years as a transient Air Force brat, I've never lived anywhere but Denver, but Kathy's essays still resonated. I realized why today.

Home can be something other than a physical place. For those of us making an emotional journey, home can be the state of being where we're finally comfortable in our own skin. Perhaps it's reclaiming the wonder and joy we had as children. Perhaps it's achieving the self-acceptance we always wanted and were, often unknowingly, traveling toward.

Whether the home you're searching for is geographic or spiritual, I encourage you to visit Kathy's site. It's great!

Playing on iTunes: Silver Thunderbird by Marc Cohn.

Last week's Quote of the Week

2007-06-25T06:28:00.000-07:00

"During midlife it is natural for psychic energy to be redirected to our inner world to do reflective inner work. Lethargy comes upon us for no apparent reason. Things that once interested us no longer hold our attention. These are inner taps on the shoulder for us to go within, to find our Self, and to search out new meaning to our lives."
-- Robyn Vickers-Willis, from Navigating Midlife: Women Becoming Themselves

The things we do to torture ourselves...

2007-06-18T20:12:00.000-07:00

I love Sharper Image. Really. But sometimes even I have to admit that its products can be a little...bizarre.

A few weeks ago, my husband (aka: Spouse Unit Hubby Man, aka: SUHM) and I were trolling through SI's personal care section. SUHM picked up a nifty, little device and studied it.

"What the heck is this?" he asked.

I scanned the label. "Home electrolysis kit."

"You mean electrocution."

"Nooo," I said patiently. "I mean e-lec-trol-y-sis. Sis. Sisssss."

SUHM, a chemist by training and organizational safety specialist by trade, didn't get it. He held up a flat, white pad (upper lip size). The pad was tethered to something that looked like a joystick by a thin, pale wire.

"Conduction mechanism. Current source," SUHM said. "E-lec-tro-cu-tion. Zzzzap!" He poked me. "Remember that other thing you got here? The Hair Ripper?"

I shuddered. The device he mentioned was like a little, personal lawnmower for unwanted hair. Manufactures promised it would glide easily over the skin, plucking hair strand by strand, and would be no more painful than an eyebrow tweeze.

SUHM laughed. "Remember when you tried to give yourself a bikini..."

I elbowed him. Of course I remembered! Everyone in a six-mile radius of our home probably remembered. That &@#$! Hair Ripper hurt!

Behind us, a man snorted. A nearby sales clerk sighed. Clearly, the mini-home electrolysis kit was not going home with me.

Well...at least not tonight.

Playing on iTunes: Imagine Me by Kirk Franklin.

Last week's Quote of the Week

2007-06-18T20:10:00.000-07:00

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned the hard way that some poems don't rhyme and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it...without knowing what's going to happen next."
-- Gilda Radner

Calling all writers!

2007-06-14T16:20:00.000-07:00

Having a little trouble staying motivated? Author Tayari Jones has a great idea. She recommends creating a word-o-meter to keep track of your progress.

Tayari's tracking her word count on her blog, and I'm tracking mine here. Join the fun!

What I'm listening to right now: Silent Treatment by Michael Palmer, narrated by the wonderful George Guidall

Take a breath...

2007-06-13T16:05:00.000-07:00

"We do not have to become heroes overnight. Just a step at a time, meeting each thing that comes up...discovering we have the strength to stare it down."

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Wise woman. Wise words.

As a responsible blogger, I must say...

2007-06-11T12:21:00.000-07:00

I will not write about Paris Hilton! I will not write about Paris Hilton! I will not write about Paris Hilton -- but, OMG! After seven mini-days in prison (where 15 minutes equals 24 hours according to her lawyers), she's shed her vanity, reclaimed her intellect, found religion and promised to dedicate the remainder of her life to helping people less fortunate than herself, which, financially speaking, is, um, everybody.

I don't want to be cynical or snarky, but...it's sooooo hard not to.

So, I'll go back to my mantra: I will not write about Paris Hilton! I will not write about Paris Hilton! I will not write about Paris Hilton!

Playing on iTunes: How Little We Know by Linda Eder. She sounds a lot like a young Barbra Streisand.

Free, year-long writing seminar.

2007-06-11T11:32:00.000-07:00

Attention writers: If you're looking for a way to improve your writing but lack either the time or the money for an MFA, check out the 2007 He Wrote/She Wrote Back online writing workshop. Jenny Crusie and Bob Mayer, co-authors of Don't Look Down and the upcoming Agnes and the Hitman, are conducting a year-long writing program on their website. You'll find an online syllabus, weekly mini-lectures and an active message board.

Cost? Zip. Nada. Zilch.

Playing on iTunes: Decoder Ring Theater podcast presenting The Red Panda Adventures. If you like old-time radio or harmless, silly fun, you'll love this series.

Information comes when you need it.

2007-06-07T18:37:00.000-07:00

An old friend contacted me today. We haven't spoken for years but, as the old saying goes, within a few minutes we were talking as though we never lost touch.

We worked together in the 80s and what I remember most is that no one -- and I mean no one -- ever had a bad thing to say about her. She went out of her way to make everyone happy. I entered the workforce wired the same way, but I gotta' tell you, she was a mentor for me. She'd elevated good girliness to an art form, and she taught me well.

We laughed about those days for a while...then she stopped laughing. "To be honest," she said, "the good ol' days weren't all that good."

She left the company in the early 90s, took another job and got downsized, got another job and was merged out, got another job and was laid off, and finally decided to go into business herself. In her 40s.

"It was horrible," she said. "I had no idea how to make decisions or how to state my opinion. I only knew how to make people happy."

She said she almost went broke because she never charged enough. (People liked her better because she was cheap.) She ran herself into the ground because she never challenged deadlines. (People liked her because she never asked for more time.) She got an ulcer because she never rocked the boat. (People liked her because she didn't complain.)

None of this surprised me because she was, after all, the Supreme Goddess of Good Girldom. But I have to admit, I was kinda' curious. So I asked her, as one good girl to another, how she turned things around.

"Badly," she said.

She wasn't joking. The woman with a Rolodex of friends now has one or two to her name. ("But they're real," she said. "I don't have kiss butt for them to like me.") She lost a lot of clients, and it wasn't easy to find more. She had to work hard to rebuild her reputation.

She's still an entrepreneur, but she changed businesses twice before settling on what she wanted to do.

"I had to learn a whole new language," she said. "I was like a baby -- or a stroke victim -- I had to learn to talk again, to walk again. I kept bumping into things and falling down and skinning my knee."

She's happier now. She said the journey was worth it. And when I told her about this blog, she offered advice for those, like me, who are trying to change.

"The scary part isn't when you start. Then the world is full of possibilities. You have a glorious idea of where you're going, and you have no idea how many will go wrong," she said. "And the scary part isn't when you're finished because then you've evolved. You've conquered something. You can look back on what you've done and feel really, really proud.

"The scary part is in the middle, when everything's a mess and you're all unsettled, when people say you're screwing up and nobody likes you and they say you're becoming a royal pain in the ass. That's when you have to remember that no one came into this world perfect. You have accept the fact that, yeah, you probably are screwing up, and a lot of people really don't like you, and you probably are a major pain in the ass.

"And that's okay. Tomorrow you'll do a little better. The key is to just keep keeping on."

Playing on iTunes: Again by Donnie McClurkin. Amazing song; amazing voice.

3 weeks/24 weeks

2007-06-04T19:54:00.000-07:00

I found an interesting article on CNN.com today. According to this account, it takes approximately three weeks to form a new, positive habit and as many as six months to get rid of a bad habit.

Well that explains a lot, doesn't it?

I've decided to put this theory to the test. For 28 consecutive days (starting, um, tomorrow) I'm going to do some sort of physical exercise: take the dog for a walk, ride my bike, work out, yoga, what have you. We'll see if this little experiment hard-wires the love of exercise into my brain.

Of course, the flip side is that I need to find some habit I'm willing to give up for 24 weeks. Hmmm. A bad habit I need to give up....Surprisingly, the list is staggering. (Just kidding. It's long -- okay, really, really long -- but it's not, like, outrageous...exactly.)

It may be cheating, but I think I'll just extend this little TV hiatus another 22 weeks and see what happens. Of course, that means a total of 24 consecutive weeks of no television. That could be...hard.

Fortunately, it's almost summer. And there's never anything good on television during the summer.

Right?

What I'm listening to right now: Crisis, by Robin Cook. Narrated by George Guidall. If you're a fan of books on CD, you've probably heard Guidall read. He is fantastic!

A flower on the web.

2007-06-02T18:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you discover wonderful writing in unexpected places -- words so clear and feelings so accessible that it yanks your mind from wherever it may have wandered and focuses your thoughts, for just a moment perhaps, on what someone else wanted to share.

You'll find an example of such writing at the My Tango Year blog. Look for the entry dated Friday, June 1, 2007.

What I'm reading: I haven't started Write. 10 Days to Overcome Writer's Block. Period. Why? Because I write for a living...and I've been writing. For work. Not on my novel. Drat! I did pick up Then We Came to the End by Joshua Ferris. It's a debut novel about corporate layoffs. I've had it for months and never made much progress, but it's turning out to be an enjoyable bedtime read. Besides, finishing it helps with that Get Organized goal!

Back to work tomorrow.

2007-05-28T19:44:00.000-07:00

Well, the long Memorial Day weekend is behind us. I hope you had a safe, happy and relaxing three days.

I certainly enjoyed the break from my various freelance writing jobs. In spite of the huge stack of work-related projects that really needed my attention, I biked, read, planted flowers (okay, supervised the planting of flowers) and made a sinfully huge stack of light, golden brown, crispy on the outside-moist of the inside, absolutely fabulous, almond and walnut waffles for breakfast. Yum!

Remember the novel I mentioned in Saturday's post? Well, Mergers & Acquisitions by Dana Vachon is history. I finished it today around noon.

I didn't really get into the book until around page 30, but after that, the writing was pure joy. It's hard to believe this Vachon's debut novel because his control of the craft is amazing. I recommend Mergers & Acquisitions highly.

Playing on iTunes: Writers on Writing podcast. Host: Barbara DeMarco-Barrett. Guests: Novelists Masha Hamilton, Ellen Sussman and Amanda Ward. This is a great podcast for writers. Get it free from iTunes or from DeMarco-Barrett's website here.

Suddenly, there's so much time...

2007-05-26T20:38:00.000-07:00

Here's one of the unexpected consequences (benefits?) of turning off the TV. Suddenly, there seem to be a lot more hours in the day. I mean, A LOT more hours in the day. And I'm very aware of each hour passing.

I finished Martha C. Lawrence's Ashes of Aries a bit sooner than expected, so now I have two new books on my table and a two new footers for my blog:

What I'm reading now:
Fiction: Mergers & Acquisitions, a debut novel by Dana Vachon.
Non-fiction: Write. 10 Days to Overcome Writer's Block. Period. by Karen E. Peterson, Ph.D.

Playing on iTunes: Canyon Legacy from In the Midst of Angels by Dan Gibson. This is very soothing, New Agey album that makes me feel like I'm in a day spa treatment room receiving a massage.

My TV Vacation, Pt. 1

2007-05-26T06:10:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you don't watch TV?

The folks at the TV-Turnoff Network have given that a lot of thought, as you might imagine. They've come up with a list of 101 screen-free activities to keep grumpy minds occupied when there's no access to TV.

I found the list squirreled away in one of T-TN's many resources pages. I'll be honest. My first thought was that the list would be geared more to children. Well, guess what? I was wrong. Not only are there are lot of activities for adults, many help increase mindful living -- the state where we give full attention to what's going on around us rather than operating on autopilot.

Dr. Mehmet Oz, who makes frequent appearances on Oprah, has quite a bit to say on the benefits of that!

From the TV-Turnoff Network
"I really didn't like TV-Turnoff Week -- except I did notice that my grades went up and I was in a good mood all week."
-- Drew Henderson, 2nd grader, Donora, Pennsylvania

Am I missing something?

2007-05-24T18:53:00.000-07:00

The web is full of articles about a huge fight (yep, another HUGE fight) between Rosie O'Donnell and Elizabeth Hasselbeck on The View.

Is it just me, or is anyone else concerned that the bigger issue -- our growing inability to have anything that resembles civil discourse in this country -- is being ignored? I haven't watched The View in years because the sound of the hosts shrieking at each other is like nails on a blackboard.

I can't stand it.

Oh, and I didn't read the articles about the O'Donnell/Hasselbeck argument, either. The headlines were enough.

Playing on iTunes: The Gods Love Nubia by Heather Headley from the Aida soundtrack. This lady has an incredible voice.

Viagra and hamsters

2007-05-24T18:25:00.000-07:00

Viagra helps hamsters overcome jet-lag from westbound flights.

I mean, seriously...

Seriously.

Playing on iTunes: Whenever You're Ready by Mary Chapin Carpenter.

Bored now. Hanging up the remote.

2007-05-22T10:26:00.000-07:00

The revolution may have started without me, but I think I'm catching up.

According to an AP article published on CNN.com, TV network viewership is down 2.5 million people from this same period last year.

Some experts say viewership isn't declining. Rather, the way people watch TV has changed. They're more likely to use TiVo or DVR and watch a program when it's convenient than watch during the regularly scheduled airing. Since Nielson doesn't track people who watch a recorded episode, numbers look smaller than they actually are.

I'm not so sure about that.

Until recently, I was one of those dedicated TV viewers. Ask me about the latest episode of Heroes or Grey's Anatomy, and I could tell you all the details.

Not so anymore. This week, I retired my remote for the summer. Whether I pick it up again in the fall is anyone's guess.

Playing on iTunes: This Is My Time by Raven. (Yep, Raven. That cute little girl from The Cosby Show.) Good song.

New site for readers (and writers)

2007-05-21T15:18:00.000-07:00

earlyink.com posts all sorts of interesting information about new and upcoming books. I can't take credit for finding this site -- author Jenny Crusie mentioned it in her blog this week -- but it's definitely a fun place to visit.

What do you think?

On my iPod right now: Sweet Potato Pie by Ray Charles and James Taylor. Fab-u-lous!

Joy!

2007-05-21T14:36:00.000-07:00

Amy Tan once said she keeps her dog nearby while she writes because she is a constant reminder to step out of the world of her imagination, take a deep breath and enjoy life.

I think she's right. Can you look at this picture and not smile?

(To those who emailed and asked if this was a photo of Amy Tan's dog, the answer is no. This is Jake, my best buddy and muse. My husband and I adopted him from the Humane Society about three years ago. When we brought him home, he was afraid of people and didn't know how to wag his tail. Now, he's king of the world. I don't know what wonderful things he did in a former life, but all I have to say is, Karma happens!)

Friendly fired...

2007-05-20T21:33:00.000-07:00

I got fired the other day.

No, not from a job. I was fired as a friend.... And, not the other day, actually -- rather, more like a few months ago if the string of unreturned emails and phone calls is any indication. I just started thinking about it seriously the other day, though, thus the odd smooshing of time.

Being fired as a friend has the potential to bring up all sorts of issues. When I was younger, losing a friend was horrendous. I'd spend hours -- okay, let's be honest, weeks -- struggling to figure out what went wrong. (Later, of course, I dream up all sorts of fitting calamities for Former Friend Now Known as Spawn of Satan, but that's beside the point.)

The funny thing is, growing older brings a weird acceptance of the impermanence of things. It also makes it much easier to find lessons almost everywhere.

In this particular case, I learned that there's only so much talking I can do before people demand a little action. Complain endlessly about wanting to lose weight? Sooner or later, your friends are going to expect to see you shed a few pounds. Go on and on about wanting to write a book or speak another language or travel to a far-off land (or, even Minnesota)? Your buddies are going to want to see some progress.

Getting fired as a friend doesn't make me want to kick up my heels in joy, but if I make some positive changes as a result, it will be a great, great lesson.

What I'm reading this week: "Ashes of Aries" by Martha C. Lawrence. This is the fifth installment in a series of mysteries featuring "psychic detective" Elizabeth Chase. I've read two of the earlier novels, "Aquarius Descending" and "Pisces Rising." Both were very good.

On living with passion...

2007-05-07T18:23:00.000-07:00

Check out the May 4, 2007 post on author Carleen Brice's blog, The Pajama Gardener*. Not only is this a touching tribute to her grandfather, it's a timely reminder of the value of living your life with passion.

Sometimes, I think expressing my passion about certain things has a tinge of selfishness. After all, how can I be passionate about writing or snowshoeing or...dare I say, Gray's Anatomy (until this past season) while so much of the world is in turmoil?

The funny thing is, as you'll notice from Carleen's blog, living with passion or expressing your passion isn't selfish at all. Instead, it adds a spark to others' lives. (After all, could you actually NOT smile reading about the 24-hour jazz party in a house with one bathroom? Could anyone who was there not remember that for the rest of her or his life?)

There's that big question of, Can one person change the world? Guess what? Carleen's grandfather did.

And maybe, by sharing a pinch or two of our passions with others, we can too.

*You'll find her post here: http://pajamagardener.blogspot.com/

Oops, I lost it again.

2007-04-16T19:57:00.000-07:00

A friend sent an email to me the other day and pointed out the long lag since my first post. As she is a good friend, she suggested I check the Google server. Perhaps the problem was there. Or, maybe it was with my computer. Maybe I thought I'd been posting but, somehow, nothing appeared.

Alas, the problem wasn't with the computer or the server.

I'd lost my password. Again. Amazing how that happened, as I distinctly remembered jotting it down on a piece of typing paper. Or notebook paper. Or the little flap on an old enveloped lip just above the "V" made by the glue.

The bottom line is, the failure to post had more to do with continuing to lead a woefully disorganized life than with any technical difficulties.

Here's hoping that little problem is on the way to being solved.

Dear Ms. Perfectionist: Ciao, Adios, See Ya', Goodbye!

2007-02-24T15:47:00.000-08:00

Have you ever struggled with the Perfectionist Syndrome? Wasn't that supposed to disappear after we turned 40?

Yeah, I know. I thought so too. Boy, were we wrong!

It may be the 21st Century, but medical experts say a disproportionate number of women still suffer from the need to be perfect. For some, the fear of making mistakes manifests as anorexia or bulimia. For others, it causes overeating, rashes or a host of other maladies. I used to know someone who grew so nervous that she'd pull her eyebrow hair out with her fingers. (I can barely manage to pluck mine with tweezers. I cannot even imagine pulling hair out with my hands!)

I delayed publishing this blog for months because I couldn't get everything right. I couldn't figure out how to upload pictures to my headline area. I couldn't find just the right template. I couldn't pick the perfect color palette. I was frozen.

It was like being in tenth grade again, taking Spanish II from Mrs. Hanson. I was afraid to answer questions, afraid to speak up because the answer I offered might be wrong. And being wrong meant being embarrassed. And being embarrassed? I'd rather die.

I never got over that way of thinking. It's why so much of my list of things to do before I turn 50 is still undone. Don't take a step. It might be the wrong one. Don't speak up. I might not have the right thing to say.

I don't know what made the difference today. I have no idea what led me to finally publish this blog. Whatever, it was, I'm glad it happened. (Or, as Oprah would say, I Am Grateful!) I'm going to pick the most important items on my Do Before I Turn 50 list and spend the next 22 months making them happen.

There will probably be some extraordinary accomplishments, and there will probably be some incredible defeats. Whatever happens, it will be an incredible ride.

Please join me. We'll have fun.

On my iPod right now: There Are by Toshi Reagon